MS Depression has hit

Not PURR-fect

MS Depression has hit 

 I am feeling a bit sad at the moment but for those of you who are in similar situations we know that “every day with MS is not PURR-fect! Depression is just another one of the things we have to deal with  but when it does hit you have to try to remember it will pass, but until mine does I thought I would tell you how I’ve been feeling.

I was watching the TV last night with my husband when I realised that i had been hit by depression…actually it has been building up for a few day now but  it eventually came to a head last night. Sitting there emptying my catheter into an empty water bottle, balanced between my feet, I just had a big reality check…. I said to my husband “I can’t believe I’m 55 and having to empty my bladder into a bottle in the front room”. I know I am due to have a Suprapubic catheter fitted this month, but I have had a indwelling  catheter now for 14 months ( for those not familiar with this and where it is positioned in a women into the tiny hole that is above your vagina that leads to the urethra) that is where the catheter tube is inserted. Then a balloon  is inflated with sterile water via a syringe to keep it in place My Catheter has come out 17 times in 13 months… so I have had to go through the very uncomfortable and less than dignified exercise  of having a new one placed into position. Having to be subjected to this 17 time has made the whole area very sore and inflamed. Not happy at all! 🙁

The whole thing is very uncomfortable and i am really over it at the moment…But i have very few alternatives. Each morning I struggle trying to get the catheter in a place to connect the drainage bag, were its comfortable which invariably it’s not, so I am constantly moving around and trying to adjust it into a more comfortable position and having to sit on it all day long is depressing in its self.

I hoped to have aged gracefully and with dignity as I have tried to live my live for the last 55 years but the sad reality is that any dignity or air of mystery has long since disappeared, and I now feel grumpy, sad and unattractive , some days i just feel like I’m  just a disabled woman sitting in the corner all day.

I questioned whether to post this because  I have been on such a high lately, but i have always tried to write my posts from the real world prospective and not every day is a good one … so why not just write it! It may help  brighten up my mood. Your comments  have been so uplifting and I don’t want to dampen people’s spirits by being too gloomy. I also started writing this blog under a pseudonym  so I was anonymous, but a few of my friends have now seen the blog as well as relations and with that in mind I have to be careful  what I say and write about so as not to offend or worry anyone. But I have always tried to write about the good and bad, so maybe I should post this as you should know that if you do get down its quite normal, it happens to us all some times.


I don’t know if this is all connected but my fatigue is much worse, I’m finding it a struggle to keep going from the time I get up at 7.30-8.00am, till lunch time at 1.00, after I have something to eat (which in its self is a struggle just to keep my eyes open) I fall a sleep at about 2.00pm until 5.00-6.00pm, so spend 3-4 hours a day a sleep. So if we do anything or go anywhere we need to go in the mornings, all Doctors/Hospital or physiotherapist appointments are made early in the morning, I still need to go to bed at 10pm, I can normally sleep for a couple of hours, but after that I’m awake, can’t turn over what with being plugged into my night bag, and the fact I can’t turn over anyway, tried everything to get comfortable but nothing works, can’t wait till my electric bed comes, hope I can get comfortable and sleep at night, that might help with the need to sleep during the day.

I always like to try to finish things on a lighter note so here is my light-hearted advise…If all else fails you could stand on your head or turn your world the other way up…

Different angle

On a more serious note … Depression can be serious so please consider getting help if you feel that your mood is something to worry about. There is a lot of help out there so you don’t need to be alone. The MS society Uk has some great info at the following link.

Signs of depression

Perhaps 50 per cent of people with MS experience this more serious depression at some point.

You are considered clinically depressed if at least five of the following symptoms are present for at least two weeks:

  • depressed mood, feelings of hopelessness and despair
  • significantly reduced interest or pleasure in most activities
  • changes in appetite and noticeable weight loss or gain
  • insomnia (inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping)
  • feelings of excessive restlessness or sluggishness
  • fatigue or loss of energy
  • feelings of worthlessness, excessive or inappropriate guilt
  • reduced ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
  • recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

Please do seek help if you experience these symptoms for more than a fortnight.

Any way that’s all for now I hope you enjoyed my post about MS Depression has hit

Bye for now AL

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