I am feeling a bit sad at the moment but for those of you who are in similar situations we know that “every day with MS is not PURR-fect! Depression is just another one of the things we have to deal with but when it does hit you have to try to remember it will pass, but until mine does I thought I would tell you how I’ve been feeling.
I was watching the TV last night with my husband when I realised that i had been hit by depression…actually it has been building up for a few day now but it eventually came to a head last night. Sitting there emptying my catheter into an empty water bottle, balanced between my feet, I just had a big reality check…. I said to my husband “I can’t believe I’m 55 and having to empty my bladder into a bottle in the front room”. I know I am due to have a Suprapubic catheter fitted this month, but I have had a indwelling catheter now for 14 months ( for those not familiar with this and where it is positioned in a women into the tiny hole that is above your vagina that leads to the urethra) that is where the catheter tube is inserted. Then a balloon is inflated with sterile water via a syringe to keep it in place My Catheter has come out 17 times in 13 months… so I have had to go through the very uncomfortable and less than dignified exercise of having a new one placed into position. Having to be subjected to this 17 time has made the whole area very sore and inflamed. Not happy at all! 🙁
The whole thing is very uncomfortable and i am really over it at the moment…But i have very few alternatives. Each morning I struggle trying to get the catheter in a place to connect the drainage bag, were its comfortable which invariably it’s not, so I am constantly moving around and trying to adjust it into a more comfortable position and having to sit on it all day long is depressing in its self.
I hoped to have aged gracefully and with dignity as I have tried to live my live for the last 55 years but the sad reality is that any dignity or air of mystery has long since disappeared, and I now feel grumpy, sad and unattractive , some days i just feel like I’m just a disabled woman sitting in the corner all day.
I questioned whether to post this because I have been on such a high lately, but i have always tried to write my posts from the real world prospective and not every day is a good one … so why not just write it! It may help brighten up my mood. Your comments have been so uplifting and I don’t want to dampen people’s spirits by being too gloomy. I also started writing this blog under a pseudonym so I was anonymous, but a few of my friends have now seen the blog as well as relations and with that in mind I have to be careful what I say and write about so as not to offend or worry anyone. But I have always tried to write about the good and bad, so maybe I should post this as you should know that if you do get down its quite normal, it happens to us all some times.
I don’t know if this is all connected but my fatigue is much worse, I’m finding it a struggle to keep going from the time I get up at 7.30-8.00am, till lunch time at 1.00, after I have something to eat (which in its self is a struggle just to keep my eyes open) I fall a sleep at about 2.00pm until 5.00-6.00pm, so spend 3-4 hours a day a sleep. So if we do anything or go anywhere we need to go in the mornings, all Doctors/Hospital or physiotherapist appointments are made early in the morning, I still need to go to bed at 10pm, I can normally sleep for a couple of hours, but after that I’m awake, can’t turn over what with being plugged into my night bag, and the fact I can’t turn over anyway, tried everything to get comfortable but nothing works, can’t wait till my electric bed comes, hope I can get comfortable and sleep at night, that might help with the need to sleep during the day.
I always like to try to finish things on a lighter note so here is my light-hearted advise…If all else fails you could stand on your head or turn your world the other way up…
http://amazon-lady.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Not-PURR-fect1.png362498Amazon-ladyhttp://amazon-lady.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/amazon-lady-2-450x71-300x47.jpgAmazon-lady2015-10-12 09:41:242016-06-23 01:50:14MS Depression has hit