Farewell Dad
Today 22nd April 2015 it is 12 months since my dearest Dad went into hospital… And it seems fitting to choose this day to publish this blog saying farewell Dad. My dear Farther passed away in June 2014 at the young age of 78, Dad had not had a day’s Illness in his entire life or at least had never been so sick that he had to go into hospital, he was also quite squeamish and would never have voluntarily gone to hospital. He asked mum to take him to the doctors because he was feeling unwell… She took him to the local clinic because they did not think things were too bad.
The Doctor transferred him straight away by ambulance to the heart hospital where they did some tests and told him that he had a blockage in his artery and would need an angiogram;the procedure was straight forward and mum told us that he just needed a stent fitted to open up the blocked artery. I don’t know if it was a miss communication or because Mum just wanted to believe that he was ok… but next day mum was told that Dad had to have double bypass surgery.
We all thought the worst because although he was a strong man and reasonably fit for his age, he was 78…but by some kind of miracle he made it through the operation. We were all quite relieved, although still on tender hooks because he was in ICU on a heart monitor and all kinds of other devices. He did wake from the anaesthetic after about two days and when my sister went to see him she reported that he looked quite strong and well. But that day, unbeknown to all of us we were about to embark on the most horrendous emotional roller coaster ride that was to last a total of 46 long days.
Dad got pneumonia and had a collapsed lung, common after that kind of surgery but they had to insert a breathing tube when they did the operation and due to an undiagnosed Goiter (under-active Thyroid Gland) which I subsequently found out on top of MS and was also suffering from an under-active thyroid (more tablets)anyway back to Dad…the operation was successful but complications set in and eventually Dad had a massive heart attack, they did get him back but he would have been left with brain damage and my Mum had to make the very difficult decision to let nature take its course and he passed away peacefully. Fortunately my sister was there with Mum and they had a chance to say their final goodbyes.
My dad was a communications expert and was still working up until 22nd April when he was admitted to hospital. My sister had told me stories of how frustrating it was for such an intelligent man to be unable to communicate. He had a breathing tube, a feeding tube and a tracheostomy tube because he had trouble swallowing he could not speak and could not tell people what he wanted.
Receiving that phone call from my sister saying hello sis… are you on your own? (No i was not on my own, my husband was with me). She then said you may want to sit down – and the words followed “Darling i have some bad news…Dad passed away this morning” . Well as you can imagine i was in total shock, I don’t even remember what I said or how I felt… just numbness i think. I had to tell my sister that i had to go and put down the phone… i know she understood and i arranged to call her later.
My one big regret was that I couldn’t be with the family at Dads funeral, but we couldn’t afford the airfare and I don’t think I could have managed the flight anyway. And I didn’t what to detract from my Dads day with people fussing around me and trying to organise, transport and wheelchairs etc.
I sent this poem to my sister and she made sure that it was included on the memorial bookmark, that was handed out at Dads funeral. The celebrant read the verse and made a very special attempt to include me in the ceremony, even though I could not be there.
I do miss you Dad and i always will, but I have a photo of you right by my side and i look at it always and remember you happy smiling face. I know that you are still with me in spirit at least…. X
So much has happened since that horrible day 12 months ago. I have achieved so much and one good thing that has come out of losing you is that your two daughters are now reconnected… More about that next time.